The Petty Aspirations of Low Self Esteem

The Nickel Between my Knees
December 1, 2016
January 6, 2017


Everything has a root, a beginning and an end, even you. Your root is what has all the answers to your current behaviors. Most of us don’t know or won’t admit how we got this way, petty, small and here’s that trendy word of the day again, savage. As an adult woman, my maturity isn’t just defined by the white hairs in my head. I’ve lived a life, and still have a long way to go hopefully! As I have matured I have come to terms that my jealousy, pettiness and savagery aren’t anything that I should be bragging about. Even the exalted shout of me being HONEST is a form of intentional savagery. I’m being HONEST with you because it’s now the “thing” to do and we use our honesty as an excuse to forget the responsibility that we owe the person to whom we are being honest with. The responsibility of knowing that what we say to someone will stay with them for the rest of their lives and can have a profound, yet subconscious effect on their latter behavior. We as a people don’t care about one another. We hope that you are hurt by our honesty because unbeknownst to us, someone was careless with us too.

When did it become okay, laughable and recklessly acceptable to hurt others so much that we endorse these damaging behaviors amongst our friends? We call ourselves petty savage bitchs’.  If we were to break down those 3 words and their true meanings we’d be saying, we are —

Insignificant, Unrestrained Animals

Is this what we are proud to be? Words have meaning. Words have power. Words, next to actions, are the only ways that we communicate a feeling, or our truest emotions out to other human beings. We create memes of celebrities who we aspire to be just as petty as. But what does it mean to be petty and why do you want to be it? To be petty is to be the smallest, critical and worst version of yourself. But in the name of jest, you can hardly escape the #petty hashtags that cling to every one of your posts to social media.  Let’s think of pettiness, as that small cousin of yours that irritates you by her presence, but you just don’t know why. Jealousy is her manipulative lying mother and low self-esteem is her icy, yet distant grandmother, whom you hardly ever get to see for whatever reason.

Low self-esteem gave birth to jealousy and jealousy gave birth to a preemie named, petty.

When smudging my home, or burning my sage, I always call on the wisdom of my ancestors. Pull out of me the courage and strength to overcome my current obstacles. I see myself as being linked with the ancient peoples of my bloodlines.  I am them and they are me. I am ancient, powerful and most of all WORTHY of RESPECT and in turn, I am obligated to respect you because you are too worthy.

The root cause of low self-esteem is our own manifested negative self-image. Your self-image is an internal model for who it is you think you are. Those negative voices in your head that say to you – I am not beautiful, I am not deserving of love, I am a bad mother, I am selfish, I am not intelligent and the list goes on and on. We all have these voices. You are not alone.

“There’s nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – Hamlet (Shakespeare)


Low self-esteem is the gateway drug to unhealthy relationships. What you believe about yourself to be true, whether good or bad allows you to open the door for others to emulate the care you show for yourself back onto you. So, if you have a negative self-image, (low self-esteem) it can lead to drug and alcohol addictions and bad relationships because you believe whatever lies someone has spoken over your life to be true. We are what we believe we are. We are what we say we are. As so a man/woman thinketh so is he/she.

Your mind and tongue are the master keys (and copy) to your own self-fulfilling prophecy.

All my life I believed that I was a horrible math student. I was so frustrated by math, that I gave up on it completely. All I would ever say is … I am not good at Math but, I am a good at English. So, I became, what I said I was, horrible at Math and awesome at English. When I jump into the workforce, I’d apply for every job that wasn’t “math” related because I was, as I had claimed myself to be, bad at math. Every job offer I received was centered around calculations, auditing, figures, percentages. I even once calculated solar outages for a telecommunications company. I was once locked in a vault, behind a door that was behind a door for 8 hours every day to balance a department stores books, cash, credit and checks that went into almost half a million dollars every day and it was my sole responsibility to keep the entire store arithmetically balanced. The kicker is that I was terrific at it! Even got a reward and named, “Employee of the Month”. All that for a girl who used to receive 30’s on math tests because of her own negative self-image.

“I would starve if I ate all the lies they feed.”- India Arie


The universe doesn’t discriminate. What you focus on not being, you become, because you have given power to the thought, thus making it ALIVE! Everything, whether good or bad is energy! And where energy flows, attention goes.  You are the Dr. Frankenstein of your thoughts. Choose them wisely.


Low self-esteem can be a hidden trait that you don’t know exists. Something that you deny, but it is too apparent to the people who know you. When you see your girlfriend with a new expensive purse or car you are critical and you disguise your criticism as love. Your husband gives another woman a compliment and this woman is now, in your eyes, the most unattractive slut that ever did walk the earth. Your boss has bypassed you for that promotion yet once again. He’s given it to the new girl who you’re convinced is an undeserving slacker, that is more than likely sleeping with your boss. Your child behaves admirably and takes instruction from another mother at PTA. But when the mother comes to greet and talk, you shun her and make condescending remarks about her hair and clothes disguised to anyone else at the meeting who will listen. This my friends is the baby that low self-esteem birthed, the confused teenager who thinks the world is against them, the adult who hates everyone and is convinced that everyone hates them.


This baby is named Jealousy, watch your back because she is sneaky. You never know when she will make an appearance, you might not even know that she is there. Jealousy is a squatter living in the attic, that raids your refrigerator when you leave for work. It might take years before Jealousy reveals to you her masterplan. She’s one of those people who don’t call before they come. She is unexpected and most certainly never invited. But we let her in any ways because to low self-esteem she is a comforter. Jealousy understands low self-esteem. Hell, they even grew up together. Jealousy caresses and validates the lies of negative self-image and hugs them into truths.





The first step to combating jealousy is recognizing and acknowledging it as it’s happening. Look within. Jealousy is the ultimate internal ego struggle! To be jealous of someone or something is a human trait as it threatens the loss of our self-identity or who we think we are in this world.

A common bird flocks together with the other birds because without them he knows not which way to go. But the Eagle in all its glory, soars the skies without flock or guidance.


Which one are you?


Here’s more information into learning how to become a more elevated YOU.


Nathaniel Braden’s, The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem

  1. The Practice of Living Consciously
  2. The Practice of Self – Acceptance
  3. The Practice of Self – Responsibility (Good or Bad)
  4. The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
  5. The Practice of Living Purposely
  6. The Practice of Personal Integrity
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