But You’re Married Though

Starting Fights in Empty Rooms
April 26, 2017
She asked me Why I Cheated and This is What I said …
May 16, 2017

http://www.singleblackmale.org/2012/10/22/the-unfaithful-man-why-do-men-cheat/

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But You’re Married Though …

“I have witnessed women, give attention and be friends with a married guy. Tell the guy she will meet up for drinks, club, go on dinner dates etc. … But they become all morally conscious of karma when it comes to sex. I am fortunate enough to be able to recognize it but it just is something I’d always been interested in. For the guy, he’s in a lose – lose situation. If he’s caught in a social setting he still has to answer to why he was with another woman. So, I’m like, do you really care that I am married, or is it to your benefit? Of course, there is the proverbial “friend zone”. I get that. We’ve all been friend zoned…I’ve dealt with women who didn’t care at all and then they are the, ‘But you’re married though chic’s.’ Good thing I recently flipped over a new leaf and decided to be right and eventually said that I am willing to accept one act of karma that comes my way. If I can stomach it.”
– Anonymous Married Male late 30’s

I don’t know what I’ve done in my previous life that men, especially married men, feel that I am the one to whom they can spill their inner most thoughts to. Maybe I was a male whore in my previous life. Who knows, but I certainly wasn’t a damn butterfly.
I was asked to write in response to the above letter and to be as candid as possible.
So here goes.
The response from the unfaithful married men I’ve spoken to, notebook or recorder in hand, all say the same things. They have married their wives initially not out of love, but out of loyalty. The women were loyal and also had the potential to be good mothers and wives. They even enjoyed making love to their wives but they could never stop themselves from being with, entertaining or even sleeping with other women. These men are seemingly “good guys” in the traditional sense. They are the sole providers, they have homes, no illegitimate children during the marriage and further more are determined on staying with their wives till death do them part. They feel they are warranted in their infidelity because of these attributes but couldn’t even imagine their wives stepping out of them. Some even get angry with me when I present the idea of their wives sleeping with other men. The husband in the letter is feeling “used” in some way that the female friends he has been entertaining grow consciousness whenever the topic of sex arises.

Dear Married Sir,
You should’ve never said I do in the first place. Men like you should have girlfriends and never reproduce. I understand your need to have a family and a woman you can trust to bear children you don’t have to get a DNA test to prove are yours, but have you ever thought of the damage you have done thus far to a woman who trusts wholeheartedly? If she doesn’t already know of what you’ve done or have been doing, she will find out. Why have you risked all for the touch of new woman? Why have you risked your family being torn apart all for some new sexual adventure? Why are you so weak? Where is your honor? Are wives to be beautiful caged birds in gilded cages? It is men like you that make the good faithful men look bad. This type of behavior creates insecurity in a woman, that you will no doubt blame her for being, without admitting that it is your fault. Women are intuitive creatures and believe me, she has sensed your soul being intertwined with other women. If she hasn’t spoken it she is in denial and refuses to believe that you could do such a thing. Why are you so surprised that these women stop when it comes to sex? Let me tell you the truth. Of course, these women are seeing you to their own benefit. You’re paying for food and a good time! Duh… All experienced and smart women know that the less you give a man the more he is willing to give. These women know that once you get what you have been pinning over for months or even years to get that you’ll be gone, uninterested and so will all those fringe benefits she’s been receiving. These women enjoy being with you because it is exciting, risqué and honestly, they don’t have to see you every day. You have to go home to you wife and they don’t have to be bothered with you in real life. You are only good for what they can get out of you. That’s why they stop you with the “but you’re married though” line. There is no such thing as the “Friend Zone” when you are married sir. It is possible to be friends with a married man, as I am with a few, but I always insist on meeting the wife and she MUST know who I am and why I am dealing with her husband. There must be no secrets. If there’s a woman who is truly a friend then there’s no reason why your wife shouldn’t know her too. You need to ask yourself some serious questions. Would you want your daughter to marry a man like you? Someone who will cheat on her? Sleep with other women and ultimately break her heart? Little girls look to their fathers as the example of the men they will choose. Be very careful. Just because your deed hasn’t come to light doesn’t mean they aren’t being recognized spiritually. You bring back the spirits of the women you were with right into the house and into the bed with you. Be open with your wife on what pleases you sexually, even if it may have a dark side to it. You never know what she may be in to as well. Exploring these unspoken sexual desires can ignite a new flame between you two.

Dear Unmarried Woman,

Now girl you know better. You are playing Russian roulette. Why even waste your time on a man who will never be yours? Do you think you have time to waste? While you are entertaining a married man, you are missing out on all the single men. Men who don’t have wives to go home to and can also show you a good time. Married men, just like single men, who have never slept with you, will do anything you want them to do, as long as the possibility of pussy is on the horizon. Every favor, he does is like putting money into the pussy bank that he is just waiting to cash out. You must be careful with this type of man too. Some men may become aggressive, violent or even stalk you when they come to realize you are never giving up the cookie. They will want a return on their investment. Also, think about this sister. How would you feel if your future husband was entertaining another woman behind your back? It hurts, doesn’t it? Think about how it made you feel when you were cheated on for the first time? The heaviness of the chest, loss or gain of appetite, sleepless, tear filled nights. Don’t put your sister through this. You may think this is innocent, but what he wants from you isn’t. Even worse, you begin to sleep with him and you enjoy it. You might even fall in love with him. He will never leave his wife for you. And if he did sister, would you really want him? So that he can do it all to you what he’s been doing to her? Step away from married and separated men. If you are unsure that you’re dating a married man, google public records and search. I talk in more detail about this in my book, Dating in the Age of Narcissism: A Single Woman’s Survival Guide. Get you a copy girl!!

 

1 Comment

  1. BlackMenTalk says:

    There are a number of things that should perhaps be brought into question or have a little light shed upon what the married man here has suggested. I must however preface what I’m going to share, and that is first we [men] rarely get into the mirror to really probe our own motivations for doing some of the things we do, or in this case why we make the conscious choice to engage in some of the potentially dangerous and self-destructive behaviors we do. I think it’s important to note this guy stating that the reason he cheats on his spouse is that “it’s just something I’d always been interested in.” The obvious question to ask would be why, right? But the thing about asking the question “why” is that the answer(s) may be by their nature circular and rather evasive. Ask a child why they didn’t clean their room and do their homework, and you’ll get all the excuses in the world. “Because I was talking on the phone, and Sarah had a real problem and I was helping her out with it. It’s not MY fault she’s immature, and needed my advice!” When the more authentic reason is that she’s not disciplined enough to manage her time better. …Right? The point is avoid asking why! Back to the guy, because I would really like to have a conversation with you myself, Sir.

    See, many of us don’t have real friends that will get in your face so-to-speak and challenge where we are within ourselves, so for the purpose and duration of this post married man, let’s consider ourselves ‘friends’

    A more thoughtful or probing question to ask would be something like, what do you believe is the thing (or things) that motivate(s) you to cheat on your wife? No question about it… If you’re spending any significant amount of time with women who your wife knows nothing about, then you are practicing deception, and there is no room for that for two people supposedly living in love. But did I really need to say that? Do we sincerely not know this already? At the end of the day man, when you lay down at night can you honestly say that you love and are in love with your wife? I personally don’t care for answers to these questions. Answer them for yourself and do some soul searching because you’re not doing yourself any favors by staying in this marriage that you’ve allowed to establish itself into deception, and you certainly aren’t doing any favors for her!

    Let’s also understand this as well. When you’re out there asking these women if they really care that you’re married, or what they’re benefitting from being with you, allow me the space here to tell you what you’re really asking: You are really asking your OWN self if you sincerely care that you’re married, and what are YOU’RE benefitting from being with these women. Are you prepared to answer that for yourself? And here’s a final question for you: What are you afraid of by being truly faithful to your wife? Scratch that. It’s possibly far too late for you to be that for her now. Rather, ask yourself that next time you’re faced with marriage should you eventually face the extreme of your karmic footprint. What you may or may not be aware of is much of what the ego is about is self-preservation, and a lot of what it dictates to us is false. That may or may not resonate with you, but it’s true nonetheless. All things considered, I do wish you the best in life and love. Signed: Your friend.

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